another why.

Why do people you expect it the least from, hurt you the most?

I am angry enough to spill blood. and sane enough to decide to stay rooted. Rooted. in your fake loyalty, your fake friendship. Rooted. In your hollow truths. Rooted in a glorious past that was that aches a hurting future.

God, why am I so angry? Why don’t I know better? Why did I expect from you, when I knew of your inherent cruelty, your arrogant instincts. Why?

Why am i so wrong about my choices?.. and why once it has been confirmed, cant i make peace with them?

disclaimer.

So.. the way i am here and the way my life actually is.. couldnt be more different.

i have an excellent career (SAP HCM consultant) in the best company (a multinational implementer of SAP systems in Pakistan) and as of my last performance based increment, i am better paid than most around me. i love my work and i seem to be good at it. recently got immigration visa to uk based on the job i do, not decided yet on when to go.. what with the recession there.. but if i go, parents dont have a problem, cz my brother is there already. so professionally.. life is exciting.

i have a very very supportive family.. my parents know the facts about most of the people i know or have known. my mother i trust enough to have told almost everything to. there is nothing that i feel i cannot share with them. they dont stop me from anything, cz they know i know well enough.

i have amazing friends. who go to extremes that surprise even me in being there for me and caring for me.

there is nothing wrong with anything in my life. except the very very trivial.

In real life, i am known as the person who smiles all the time.

The point of this post?

Just cz i write morbid, Allah Miyan, doesnt mean i am not aware of all Your blessings.. or am not thankful for all i have, for everything.

Closure.

how can you just
thrash
the person, the being
the feelings
so easily..?

how can you bring yourself to
scorn
hate
knock down
the very person
the same person
who was there
in another light
taken
in another time
as a friend.

how could you..?

and how could i
let you
hurt
the way you do
how could i
let you
go on
on that senseless path
of destroying
what little
there is
of my faith
my belief my love
my care
how could i?

i want to
as always
lash out
in the same way
senseless warring
on the same grounds
same plains
by the same rules
as defined
by you

and you know why
it doesnt hurt
why it wouldn’t
kill me
to reflect
destroy me
to think
about you, us
at all?

Cz I know
you could
and you would
Given
half an opportunity
do the same thing
hurt
in the same way
without
a second thought.

and that knowledge
in itself
is closure
Enough.