And the one thing i wanted..

.. is to be less cruel, more human, less this animal that i see myself turn into day by day.

i hate cruelty, i despise cruel people, and i see it in myself everyday. and i hate this deserving self hate.

Its all a choice, why do i keep choosing to be the inflicter.. and the reasons.. to ward off your inflictions.. why does it sound so very wrong?

i want to go away somewhere where i cant do this anymore. i want to stay away from anyone i can do this to, who can do this to me.

Dont they know i am capable of hurting back worse than i am ever, and that fucking pains me more than they ever can..

Wtf, i sound crazy to me.