Listen.
You can be a wonderful breath of fresh air. You can be that. You can be the loveliest, nicest, sweetest most caring person of all. And that is my problem. Having seen that and gotten that for a bit is my problem. Cz now that I can imagine and I have gotten a taste of that, that is all I want and anything less just would not do.
Its just that.. I am too used to things. I am too used to claiming you and keeping you all to myself. All to my talks, my thoughts, my feelings and yours. And I don’t mind anything as long as its for the right reason. But you never started any of it for the right reason. It was so easy to do henna? To set it all up for someone willing enough to fall for it. But its wrong. Your reasons are not in place. And then you tell me. And I sit quiet even as I feel most furiously protective of her.. I sit quiet cz I know I hold no part in this. And that even her reasons are not in place. And cz I know it might possibly work, even if you lie through your teeth to achieve it. And cz I don’t want to spoil it if it can. And cz she wont want to listen.. and it will severe the feelings between us all.
So I sit and listen. And I feel like screaming but I let you talk and talk and say all you want. Sit unable to do anything but keep looking past the words said, the lines used. Wondering all the time what you really mean and where you stop meaning it all. When the inherent manipulation kicks in and starts tuning into my person and ‘sorting me out, keeping me on track.’ I will let you know though that I cant be sorted out. Not by you and I cant sort myself out just now either. I am not sorry for this, but you should be. For breaking this all up into little pieces I am supposed to swallow and savour. For hurting something true and honest for a pack of lies someone willing enough will believe in.. and the funny thing is.. even they know whats going on but the continue on the high that is hurting so many around them, turning off soo much that was honest and pure.. just cz, just cz your lies can flourish and give you your false satisfaction.
Its probably too late.. I will deal with it. And then you will have to too.
Its just that.. I am too used to things. I am too used to claiming you and keeping you all to myself. All to my talks, my thoughts, my feelings and yours. And I don’t mind anything as long as its for the right reason. But you never started any of it for the right reason. It was so easy to do henna? To set it all up for someone willing enough to fall for it. But its wrong. Your reasons are not in place. And then you tell me. And I sit quiet even as I feel most furiously protective of her.. I sit quiet cz I know I hold no part in this. And that even her reasons are not in place. And cz I know it might possibly work, even if you lie through your teeth to achieve it. And cz I don’t want to spoil it if it can. And cz she wont want to listen.. and it will severe the feelings between us all.
So I sit and listen. And I feel like screaming but I let you talk and talk and say all you want. Sit unable to do anything but keep looking past the words said, the lines used. Wondering all the time what you really mean and where you stop meaning it all. When the inherent manipulation kicks in and starts tuning into my person and ‘sorting me out, keeping me on track.’ I will let you know though that I cant be sorted out. Not by you and I cant sort myself out just now either. I am not sorry for this, but you should be. For breaking this all up into little pieces I am supposed to swallow and savour. For hurting something true and honest for a pack of lies someone willing enough will believe in.. and the funny thing is.. even they know whats going on but the continue on the high that is hurting so many around them, turning off soo much that was honest and pure.. just cz, just cz your lies can flourish and give you your false satisfaction.
Its probably too late.. I will deal with it. And then you will have to too.
posted by Chrysalis at 1:37 PM
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