i miss you. i can still see you and i can still feel the times and i can still hold on to your lingering existance. my girl. my friend. i wish i could erase it all and bring you back. not for you but for me. i wish i had you with us again.

stadium and cricket matches.. i can still smell the fresh earth beneath our feet as we walked and walked.. happy and content. bring that back. come back. i love you. can i help that? come back. i can still feel you there. i can still feel you here.

teach us how to lose a life. teach us how to lose existance and still exist. teach us that. You know why i turn away. cz You exist and You hide. you hide behind whats always happened and i expect magic and miracles.. cz what is beyond the need to relieve a pain? the need to soothe a soul.. the need to justify and give justice..? i expect time bends and souls resurrected. i expect no less but as far as my mortal mind can reach and imagine and You.. hide from me.. behind death and life and the inevitability of it all. You hide from me and leave me confused. and i turn away cz i fear You. i fear Your justice. I fear Your wisdom. I fear You. Everything You do.. and all that You grant i fear that..

its not easy to dare to think and feel and say and risk a little more each day.. in hopes to draw You out. in vengeance i fear. in love i trust.